Seven Simple Steps

Step 1. Trundle down to the shops and decide mid-trip that you'd like to cook a curry. Buy your favourite curry paste and wander down to the fruit store. Get annoyed because it's closed. Meet neighbour on the street on the way home, and get offered potatoes.

Step 2. Dig around in the cupboard until you find some faintly soft old potatoes and an onion. Go and put on the OMWF soundtrack. Flounce around singing and cutting up ingredients.

Step 3. Fry the onions and add curry paste. Wonder if you should boil the potatoes first. Decide not to a whim. Sing Giles's part in 'Under Your Spell/Standing, Reprised' into the wooden spoon with an agonised expression on your face. Put the rice on.

Step 4. Add potatoes and adjust rice, then go and fold washing which has been off the line for three days. Sort out work shirts and normal shirts, and try to forget the nightmare you had last night in which you couldn't find any clothes for work and had to go naked. Belt out 'Walk Through The Fire' whilst checking the curry.

Setp 5. Decide that you really should have boiled the potatoes. Add more water to stop inevitable sticking. Clean room while running out to check state of curry every few minutes. Get annoyed because it's cooking far too slowly, but smells delicious.

Step 6. Poke curry a few times and look peevish. Hook up the net and then have genius idea of covering the frying pan with a plate to hold in the heat. Chat with a friend about how good curry is going to be, only to discover that they in fact, hate curry. Take a photo of curry to and use it as your display photo to spite them.

Step 7. Finally, decide that you've waited long enough and serve up curry on slightly cold rice. Scoff the lot. Find it to be delicious but slightly undercooked. Resolve to boil the potatoes next time.