For Rian

Yeah, well...

I tried. I put on sunscreen. I wore a t-shirt when I was out of the water. I didn't get even the slightest bit pink on the areas that I was worried about, which was my face and the tops of my shoulders. Oh, no. I got all red and painful on the places where I wasn't paying much attention. I have little red bands behind my knees where my board shorts finished and my sunscreen left off. I have a massive red ring around my neck that marks my bather line. I didn't think of putting sunscreen on the fronts of my shoulders, did I? Bah. Oh, and my back (apart from the tops of my shoulders) looks like a Christmas ham. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch!

Still, it was a bloody good day. I got up early, and Shane drove me down there, with Rich and Bel following in their car. We got there and trooped down to the beach, and set up our base. Shane had thought to bring a sheet that we all stretched out on. I had assumed that there was going to be a changing shed, so I wore clothes there. Well, there wasn't. The boys held up aforementioned sheet and I got changed up against some bushes. They swear they didn't look. I certainly hope they didn't... So, when I was all changed, we got in. The water was cold, and we all made various squeaking noises as we inched our way in. Once we were in, the water was lovely. We all alternated between swimming and stretching out on the sand. I'd taken a book, and spent some time reading that. (GRRM, A Clash of Kings.) Age rocked up a bit later on with drinks and a big tub of strawberries and grapes. 10 points to her for catering. We nibbled, basked and swam for hours, until it was time for me to go to work.

All in all, it was a bloody good day. Until I started to pinken up. Ouch!

To the Beach

I will not get sunburnt, I will not get sunburnt, I will NOT get sunburnt!

I've already slathered on a layer of sunscreen, and plan to put on many more during the day. I have water and food and a sensible hat.

Shane will be here soon to pick me up, and then it's off to the beach for beachy fun for us. Hooray!

A Bit O' Nano

The girl could hardly hear her sobs over the rush of the tide. The tears streamed down her face without pause. She dashed the tears to the rattling of the chain that weighed her down. Aside from most of her own body, all she could reach was the pen and book in her lap. There, she had begun to write. The light was fading; she had to hurry. She jotted down another line. The cave smelled dim and dank. That stink would be in her nostrils for a long time. Perhaps forever? Who could tell? Perhaps her husband would come to save her, with a key in hand and revenge in his eyes. He had to save her; it was his entire fault that she was here.

‘Pass a message on to Charles in the market place,’ he had said, as they lay together in bed. ‘Do this favour for me, and you shall have anything you desire.’

‘Anything?’ she had asked slyly. She had passed on the message, of course. Soon, it was one every day. And then, he told her why. How could she not help fight for his noble cause when the passion in his eyes burned more brightly than anything she had ever seen? It was an honour to assist him in his work. There she was, silently and secretly fighting along side her beloved husband.

And then the men had come, with grasping hands and steel. They did not listen to hear pleas of innocence. At first she thought that they were the police, come to take her away. She came to realise that they were not, simply men opposed to the cause that she had been fighting all of these years. Of course, they existed. Her husband had told her about them one night in bed. He had warned her like someone warns a child not to go swimming after they had eaten. He hadn’t fully understood the dangers himself. Nobody had.

The light finally dropped from the cave. The girl carefully closed the book and placed it within her reach. The pen was nearly out of ink. She was hungry, so hungry. The last time she had eaten seemed like a month ago.

‘Mary,’ her husband had said. ‘You know you help me out of love. Well, I work out of love, too.’

If he loved her so much, where was he now? Gone, fled. Missing, officially. Did he even remember his stupid little wife?

Mary clenched her teeth against the terrible pain in her stomach. She had written the entire tale down. Perhaps she would live to re-read it. Inside, she knew that she had lost. She was going to die alone here, in this cave. Would anyone ever find her? Would her bones rot here for an age? She was going to die, oh yes. Nothing could prevent it now.

She was thirsty, so thirsty. And there it was, the little vial that one of her captors had left her. He had placed it on a rock next to her knee. She could reach it if she chose. The man had looked at her with something like pity in his eyes. He had been the last the leave the cave; the others hadn’t seen a thing.

The hours dragged away. Mary was so hungry that she would have eaten rotten meat, or moldy bread, anything to stave off the horrible pain in her stomach.

At dawn, she made a decision.

Mary plucked the small vial from its shelf and broke the seal around the cap. She barely had the strength to lift her arms. The liquid within was thick and dark, burning her tongue. For but a moment, her thirst was eased. And then, the pain began. She clutched at her chest as the pulmonary edema began. Her eyes bulged; her tongue was growing thicker by the second. Her entire body stiffened, and she blacked out. Her body continued to twist in its chains as she thrashed in time to the poison’s march through her bloodstream.

Patterns

It has been so easy to slip into the pattern of working full time. I used to wonder how people did it, going from day to day without really thinking, simply going from one day to the next without working towards anything in particular. I guess that's how it looked from the outside. For the last three years (and even before that) I always had a goal in mind. It was to finish my degree for a long while. And now I have. Of course I still have the whole 'going overseas again' thing to look forward to, but what if I didn't? Would I be content to just blob around at Automatic and work almost every day?

It has become almost like school, actually. I see the same people, day in, day out. There are petty little gossips and complaints and that sort of thing. There are people in charge who yell at you to get back to work and playground rivalries. It's so strange...

I sort of feel faintly bored with this routine. I don't have much time for writing (especially with emails and the board) so I'm feeling rather uncreative as well. Perhaps I should just go off now and sit and write for a while. It'll probably do me the world of good.

Little Gem

'In the space of a sundown, you show me the wide world from a horse's back, and the soul of the world within my own walls.'

- Fitz, Fool's Errand

The Family

Happiness Is...

• A long lazy afternoon of music with the sun setting over the gum trees on the horizon.
• Having three days off from the Christmas rush, and finally getting all of your present shopping done.
  
• Waking up the person you're completely, madly in love with and listening to them make sleepy noises.
  
• Babysitting a present that just happens to be a tiny gorgeous kitten.
• Eating fresh cherries.
• Finding out that your mother has a massive girl-crush.
• Hearing a favourite song coming out of nowhere on the radio.
• Puppy kisses from a very excited dog who has just had a haircut.
• Planning to see Narnia with your favourite movie buddy. (In this case, my Grandma.)
• Waking up hangover-free from a bloody fantastic night of pissed-dancing and merriment with people from work.
  

Yes, I am a very happy girl today.

I'm Slagged, See?

All work and no rest makes Em a slagged girl.

Work Sucks

I am so sick of staggering home completely screwed from a horrible shift. The Christmas rush is upon us, and it's all wearing us thin. The new staff are running around with a panicked look in their eye (which was me last year) and the older staff are just over it. My best friend from Auto has left, and a manager who has been there for about five years is leaving, too. That completely sucks. I hate change sometimes. (Yes, it's good at times, but not when all of your friends bugger off.)

Still, I really can't complain too much about tonight. For a good part of the evening, P and I were dancing around loudly singing songs from OMWF. I love the fact that nobody batted an eye, even when we started doing the 'bunnies' bit from 'I've Got a Feeling.' Ah, I really do love the oddballs at my work. It reminds me of the board a lot, actually.

Another whine, my neck hurts and I've injured both my index fingers: I tore the top of the nail off one, making it hurt to type and I cut the other on the jagged bottom of a broken plate. Ouch.

God, I can't wait until the horrible busy season ends and I'm sitting on my arse doing nothing in Sweden.

The Shirt

Thanks Q!

For Keppet

These are some of the Karma Sutra chocolates that I got for my birthday. Yes, I was shocked, and no, I haven't eaten any yet.

I thought it teamed with the theme on Q's blog.

Pool Time!

Nothing much to report, aside from the briliant day I had yesterday.

I went and had lunch with Helen (whom I like to call my 'almost-ex') at Bimbo's. It was really good, actually. Not awkward at all. Thank Christ. I went and got some new bathers from the swimming place on Brunswick St, and I'm about to go and have a nice long swim.

And Ash sent me photos of her new place! I can't wait to visit her!

Me and Sean

Ours was better.

Eck and James

It was their best attempt at Blue Steel...

The Cousins

Timothy, Yolanda, Dale, me, Stacey in the background and Aspa on her knee.

Taking The Cake

Nothing beats a cake that's made by your Mum, eh? She was worried because something fell onto in in the fridge and squished the 'th'. I think it's Perfect.

Pre-Birthday

I woke up this morning with the dog sleeping on me and a very sore back from sleeping on the futon. Mum had foolishly left her bed unguarded, so I jumped in there while she was off getting the paper. When I finally got up, she was swearing at a bowl of cream that refused to whip. The cake the she was making was in trouble, but she fixed it with chocolate buttons. It was damn tasty in the end, too. Yum. She took one look at the state of my tatty jeans and threw me into the car so she could buy me some decent ones. Mum tried to make me wear girly pants. Hah. I got some manish jeans. They actually looked really nice. (And she's just finished taking them up for me. Aww.)

We drove to Bendigo and found the boys, who had been rescued from the train station by my Grandma. We sat down and had a drink, getting up to say hello to the various relatives who rocked up. I got asked for ID at the bar. Do I look 17? Jesus... I looked faintly shocked and told the girl that this was my 21st lunch. She actually blushed. That was sort of funny. Then, we ate massive lunches and took photos until the cake came out. We ate cake, and sat around looking fat for a while. James and Eck and Sean were all being faintly smutty. Hee! I'm so glad they came.

We all went 'round to Uncle Ern's place, but Dale thought we were going to Grandma's, and drove way ahead.

'Aren't you following Grandma?' I asked over the very loud music. He swore and pulled over, and Grandma came and rescued us.

It was so smegging hot today. We drove home with all of the windows down. Dale put an ice cube down my top. Bloody brothers...

Photos are coming...

Gifts

I have my father's green eyes.

I have his straight brown hair. I have his nose. My mother shaped my jaw, but my smile is his. From him, I inherited my humour and my hideous jokes. I have the look in my eye that he used to have when he would listen to music. That is mine, now. I have hands that tap out rhythms. I have thoughts that come together and need to be written down, all from him. He gave me my quiet moods, as my mother gave me joviality and chatter.

My father, of course, gave my brother things, too. He has a knack for mathematics that I do not share, as well as an eye and a hand for constructing things. Dale barely has to measure when he builds.

Today would have been his birthday and I am teetering on the verge of celebrating something signifigant without him. There have been others that he has missed, too. The point is, he's not here now, and this one seems special. I don't think it'll be as hard from here until I have to find someone to give me away. Perhaps my brother will stand in.

I'll be 21 on Monday. I won't be a little girl any more. I'll be an adult, all proper and grown up. But I still need my Daddy sometimes.

Haircut

I just got back from the hairdresser and I look hot. Mmm, I love getting my hair cut. It's all funky and has layers and looks absolutely wonderful. And yes, it is a sunny day, for those of you who know about my superstition of sorts.

It took a little while, because the last customer wasn't quite finished yet when I walked in. It didn't matter much, I got to stare at the stunning Drew Barrymore who was on the cover of a Marie Clare. There was the most gorgeous photo of her that I'd ever seen. I wonder if the hairdresser noticed me perving?

I Want...

Cherry's Birthday

It was a slow shift yesterday. I spent almost the entire time with only two or three tables, because some of the old outside ones are being re-painted and the sections have been re-jiggered. I was in Dandenong (which is actually a scary bogan town outside of Melbourne and also the name of the futherest section at work) and kept slacking off, so whenever I went out there, I had to clean frantically for ten minutes while saying 'crap crap crap!' under my breath.

So, I knocked off and went to the beer garden with Nugget. We almost found our way without calling for help. Well, we called once. I needed Daisy there to be my Sherpa, obviously. We had many many drinks, and I tried a bunch of exotic beers. I was getting into the Hoegaarden, thought. That stuff is seriously tasty. Over the course of the evening, I pimped Muse to workmates and had several nerdy Buffy discussions. It turns out that both Cherry and Ange (former and current bar managers) are both into it in a big way. Cherry was going to make everyone learn bits from 'OMWF' and have a singalong at her birthday. Ange has the sheet music. I must must must get a copy. We had a great time, and I even had a d&m with this guy I never really talk to or get along with. So, that was good.

The night had been planned in advance. We were supposed to go to a 'Gentlemen's Club' (Cherry being one for the ladies) afterwards. I wasn't really sure about going. Those sort of places don't do it for me in the slightest and I was faintly grossed out. But, with enough beer and plenty of gay boys (one of which is now my adopted father) and several other people who were freaking out, we went. Strangely enough, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was so completely unsexy that I almost laughed. If you've ever contained a smidgeon of pride at being skilled at reading human interaction, you'd realise exactly what those girls are doing to make their money. It's laughable. I spent most of the night in deep conversation with various people and drank $5 Coronas. The music was surprisingly good. As Ange leant over and said to me, it would have been a really awesome place to hang out if it weren't for all of the naked chicks.

I got to meet Cherry's sister, which was cool. They look sort of alike, but her sister is rather different. Actually, her sister is a dead ringer for Rian. No wonder Cherry reminds me of Rian a tiny bit. Or perhaps it's just that I know Cherry and Rian would both glass anyone who was horrible to me in any way.

I spent all morning today throwing up. It was horrible. I really didn't drink that much. Certainly not enough to warrant the vomit-fest that was my morning. It must have been that bloody shot. Still, I am feeling better now. I was so sick I couldn't keep water down before. Now I can go to work and complain with everyone else.

This Is How It Goes...

So, I got my uni results. They came to me in the form of a completely undignified text-message. Actually, I had forgotten all about them. I was sitting in the tea room at work scoffing down a curry before I started my shift and my phone went off. I thought it was from Erika, perhaps asking about how Sean's tattoo went, but it was my results.

Australian Literature, I was one mark off a Credit. Fair enough, because as much as I enjoyed the actual subject, I just couldn't commit to it as much as I could with say Fiction. It was a 59, and I was happy with that. Shakespearean Mythmaking scored a 73, which is actually pretty damn good. I'm very happy with that. It means that my last essay was really good. I must have gotten at least a Distinction. Editing I got a Credit. Hey, that's actually not too bad. I thought I arsed up the subject completely, but there you go. It turns out that 61 was the end mark. It's not great, but I was really terrible at it, so that's good for me. And Fiction, well. I got my first ever High Distinction for a study score. A nice solid 80, no less. I'm really proud of myself for getting that mark. I really worked hard in that subject, and it's nice to know that it paid off.

I also got my honours acceptance. I have mixed feeling about it, really. Of course I'm really happy that I made it into honours, and I'm proud that I managed to make the grade. All of my friends got in as well, which is wonderful! All of them that applied, anyway. If I wasn't going to Sweden and America and deferring a year, I would be running with same crowd again. We could have another year of hijinks and merriment. I love hanging out with those guys, they're just the best. I would love to spend a year bitching and moaning to them about the workload and getting tipsy in the pub after classes. But it's not going to happen. Of course I want to go to Sweden and see Ash and I'll know I'll have a wonderful time over there, but I'm realising what I'm going to have to sacrifice to do so. I'm going to be upheaving my life.

Maybe it's for the best. Maybe I'll get out of my little rut and have a wonderful adventure. But I like my little rut. I'm happy here. Everything is working for me. But it's still going to pale to any time that I spend with Ash. I hate the fact that this is such a hard decision, but I've already made up my mind, right? I'm going, and that's that. I just hope that people don't forget about me when I'm gone.